In our adoption process we kept hitting snag after snag… nothing big, but small little things that make you say, hmmmm… First it was that the ABC agency told us Kazakhstan was now requiring three trips (one to meet child, court and then pick up child). That’s a lot of traveling not to mention even more $.
Then our home study agency learned that in order to meet the requirements for the Hague convention, we had to have child abuse checks in every state we’ve ever lived. This would have been fine but they told us AFTER all paperwork for the home study had been completed, so we had to go back through all the states AGAIN (this is in addition to the police checks we’ve already completed). This was extremely annoying and I find it difficult to believe they didn’t know this from the start. However, instead of my incredible annoyance, I decided to view this as a sign that maybe international adoption wasn’t for us.
When my first IVF failed, my RE pushed me toward donor eggs. I apparently have grainy, unfertilizable eggs. Although I produce a reasonable amount for my age, they aren’t any good it they don’t fertilize. When I met with the donor egg coordinator at my old REs, (probably one of the most negative people I have ever met), she informed me that DE were >$25,000 per cycle and weren’t guaranteed. If it didn’t work, you were out all the money. When we suggested a known donor (I have a lovely, generous friend) she started babbling about lawyer visits and many shared psychotherapy sessions, I just gave up on the idea.
With the adoption slowdown, I was researching things on the web when I heard of a split donor (costs and harvested eggs shared amoung 3 couples). Then I’ve heard of the Shady Grove Fertility Clinic’s 3:1 shared risk donor program. Here’s how it works. For a price that is less than an international adoption, you have the opportunity for 6 fresh donor egg cycles (shared among 3 donors). If you do not have a live birth after these 6 cycles, you get ALL your money back for an adoption!
It seems almost too good to be true. I don’t care what my baby looks like as long as we’re the same race (I have three cousins of a different race who had an incredibly hard time growing up-I won’t put a child through that). I seem to have a relatively healthy uterus (crazy fibroids have not returned since surgery). Why not? It gives me the chance of a lifetime-the chance to be pregnant! It also gives me some control. I get to pick the donor(s), I get to take care of the baby in utero (with adoption, you hope and pray that they didn’t drink or use drugs throughout the pregnancy). It seems like a really awesome idea.
I’ve spent some time talking to current DE recipients who used the program. One woman is on DE cycle 4 (3 miscarriages, 1 BFN) another is starting her first cycle soon. Both had incredibly positive things to say about the program, so I called and spoke with them. MO2 and I went for a semen analysis/freeze and social work interview on Saturday. That went fine even though MO2 had temper tantrum about giving yet another,”donation.” He wants to be the sperm donor but doesn’t like the analysis that goes with them. (For a wonderful view on a Male’s perspective, check out Two Peas in a Pod’s, “Wakey, Wakey, Hands on Snakey” post). http://www.waitingforourpod.com/2009/05/07/a-day-in-the-life-of-male-infertility/
MO2 leaves for an 11 week school this week which gives me plenty of time to go through a mock cycle to ensure my lining builds up enough and to refresh myself with the sheer joy of stabbing myself in the belly. However, my nurse at SG seems friendly and helpful. I promise to keep you up to date.
I have a new hobby… any time I see an older pregnant woman I do the math in my head.
