Monthly Archives: August 2009

Another Update


2192_pregnancy_cartoonBeanie is still doubling. Although she/he is not over 500, she/he is at the 66% that they want to see. They are worried about an ectopic still so we will probably have an early u/s this week to see if there is anything in the uterus. If so, we’ll continue to go on until we have a HB or not. If there is an ectopic, then I’ll start on methotrexate to save my tube. According to SG nurse, even with the methotrexate, as soon as AF comes I’m good to go for another cycle. I have told my husband it is clearly evident that this bean has his stubborn DNA! Thank you for all the prayers & support. We’ll continue to wait. I am sure that the lab people are tired of me and tiny, little veins!

In other news, back is doing much better, was able to get my nails done today in celebration for our 9th anniversary!


Not Sure What to Think


Baby bean’s numbers are in the mid 200s. They are not high enough.  SG wants 66% doubling rate every 48 hours, we are at 61%. If they are not over 500 by Monday, we will consider this a non-viable pregnancy.

I am sad about this, naturally and the thing that makes me the most upset is now I will face my betas with hesitation and dread as I am sure many women who have early pregnancy loss. I’ve ALWAYS hated betas and I won’t share the date. I wouldn’t do it before, but did so reluctantly this time but I won’t do it again.

The flip side to this is that this bean has had a rougher road than most. Starting your pregnancy on narcotics is not optimal. I’m not mad mad at anyone, not even me. There was nothing I could do. MO2 said he felt he understands why I made the choice I did and he probably would have made the same one. It was just horrible timing and if you listen to me whine a bit, it took my London trip and my annual Celtic Classic trip because MO2 can’t take the time off after taking care of me. I do get a month off from work, but truth be told, I’d rather be there. It keeps me busy.

I’ve talked to my nurse about the next cycle. I asked my friends who have miscarried what to expect. It looks like I’ll just stop taking meds and it will happen on its own. I will probably have to wait until my u/s on the 8th to see if there is any tissue left. I guess than I’ll wait for AF and then start back on the BCPs.

MO2 is a bit upset with me for being pessimistic and starting to think about the next cycle. There is a slight chance our # will rise as they have been but I doubt they will get high enough. Stranger things have happened, but they don’t happen to me. Next cycle, I think I will let the RE choose two donors ad let us pick one. I wish MO2 would consider donor sperm for a half and half next cycle but he wants to try one more time with just his boys and who am I to deny him that.



My surgery, I have to admit, was hellish.

However, the staff in the OR and Recovery were awesome!

Because I am pregnant, they only used local and an epidural. I was awake through the whole thing. The first part wasn’t too bad until the surgeon started removing the disk. The DR said that is was one of the biggest herniations she has ever seen and, “no wonder you were in so much pain.” The most disconcerting part was feeling her poke around my spine and every time she hit the sciatic nerve which was extremely inflamed, it hurt like hell. The CRNA kept me calm the whole time, we talked about all kinds of crazy things between me gasping. I think I crushed her hands.  They showed me the big pieces of disk that they took out (I asked if it was gross before I looked) but it looked like big chunks of crab meat.

Today I am sore and will be for the next two weeks (remember I’ve been through this before). They’ve already removed the staples.  I can move very slowly and am not taking any medication except for Tylenol.  I actually slept through the night last night, although it is still hard to roll. I have to use objects for leverage to roll over and have to lean on things to get up. My appetite is coming back.

As for baby bean, the vote is still out. I have slowly increasing betas that have me worried. My RE is not upset because today is the morning of my originally scheduled beta. As of yesterday, we were just below 200. Now baby bean should begin to double provided he/she has survived. Time will tell. I’ve cried over this enough now. The surgery was unavoidable and I went with the hand of cards I was dealt. Who knows how this will end.  We do know now that the nausea I had was not meds but baby bean. I’m living on mint tea and saltines. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Miracle and Amazement!


gab's phone 260Holy Cow!!!! This is 7dp5dt! It came up in about 40 seconds! this is the first + pregnancy test I’ve ever had. You, dear readers, are the first to know because my family doesn’t know this blog exists and I won’t tell them until I have real #s. So for today, we’ll just keep the pee stick between us.

I’ve been trying to figure out what are pregnancy symptoms and what are meds, haven’t been able to sort it out at all. I did take a 2 hour nap yesterday and my boobs are bigger but I wrote that off as either narcotics or progesterone. Please keep your fingers crossed that this is a real baby!

My beta is Tuesday, 5 days early. MO2 is going to draw the blood at home (because I can’t sit in the lab chair) and then he will take it in. He can also read the results to me so I won’t hear it from a stranger. I am a little concerned because I have to stop baby aspirin and lovenox tonight in preparation for the surgery.

I guess the good meds are out for the surgery. They will do a spinal with some conscious sedation. That will suck but I’m so grateful to be having this surgery early and know the pain will end, I’m counting the days. Please keep us in your thoughts.

Surgery Update


We met with the surgeon this morning. Apparently most people wait a year to see her. My surgery is scheduled for 8/26. I did not herniate L5, S1. I apparently herniated L4, L5 yet a new herniation for me. As the DR put it, I will never have a stable back. I will never ride a horse again, bounce, run or jump. But I can walk and swim.

The surgeon wants me to POAS as early as possible and my RE changed my beta to 3 days earlier so we’ll know if I am pregnant or not before hand. This will help determine what type of anesthesia to use. If I am, they will do an epidural and a local with mild sedation. If not, it is full versed press for me.

I am having trouble with optimism right now. I hope that you, the readers of this blog, can understand that, too. The pain is horrendous. I can’t walk more than a few steps. Last night MO2 and I cried for 2 hours and I yelled at God. Why now? Why not 6 months ago? Why at all? This is my second back surgery in 2.5 years. I was able to sleep through the night but never, do I have a pain free moment. My lovely, optimistic SIL thinks that God wanted me to get help early in the pregnancy. Maybe he wants me to get fixed so I can have a successful one in the future. I have to hold onto faith but it is slipping through my fingers like sand right now. I know I have 5 more shots but I’m tired and we aren’t even there yet. At least, I’ll get a good 6 weeks off from work. Not the bedrest SG ordered! I’m already planning my next cycle.

I don’t know if I will have any joyful pee stick photos on this blog. I just can’t see it right now. I feel as though that naivete has been ripped away from me. I still have some slight cramping and a bit of an elevated temp but nothing super exceptional. I am only 4dp5dt so we’ll see. I bought a First Response box today, maybe I will POAS early Sat am. 

If these embies survive, it will be an absolute miracle. Hang in there with me, I need someone smiling at me.

Good and Bad


First the good: we transferred 2 gorgeous blasts on Saturday. 1AB and 1 slightly behind. My RE told us there was still a possibility of twins. Transfer went great, lining looks great. He upped my dose of lovenox to 80 ccs per day.

Now the bad: In the last week, I have been to 3 emergency rooms in the worse pain of my life. I can’t eat. I can’t sit. All I can do it kneel on all fours like a dog (I eat like that too, so elegant) or lie down. I can only sit after pain meds and I am taking them so sporadically because I’m worried about the embies. I can have 1 class C med every 12 hours and that only last for about 4 hours. I have a surgery consult tomorrow. The MRI showed I completely blew out my L5, S1 disc. It needs to be removed because it is pressing on my sciatic nerve.

I am trying so hard not to take meds and the DRs keep assuring me that the small amount of narcotics will not hurt the embies because all they are doing is implanting and dividing right now. If we do the surgery sooner rather than later, it may save both of us (that I can carry a pregnancy and not become paralyzed). Also, on the bad, we don’t have any frosties.

I have been on constant bed rest. Symptoms today are AF like cramping and frequent urination. The urination may be because of the meds but my nurse was happy with the cramping. I guess it is good news if we can rush the surgery so I can have a healthy pregnancy and if I’m not pregnant this time,  and I get the surgery done, hopefully no more issues in the future.

5 Day Wonders!


blastoMasto-Blasto Batman, we are having a 5 day transfer!!

We got the report yesterday that 4 of our embies were right on target yesterday and 3 were close behind.

I was confused about the different between a 3 vs. a 5 day transfer, so here is an article that outlines the pros and cons of both:

Transfer is set for Saturday (no time yet). I’m still praying they will continue to grow and divide well.

I started my lovenox (blood thinner for the Factor V Leiden) yesterday and had an emergency MRI on my back. I am feeling a bit better today and could actually walk on my leg when I got up in the morning. I am praying this holds, although sadly, I think I will be canceling my London trip. I just don’t want to take the risk of further aggravation.

Fertilization Report


Well, MO2 has managed to knock up the donor!!!

Of the 10 eggs we received, 7 fertilized normally. The nurse and the DR are hoping for a blast transfer on Saturday. (please, please keep us in your thoughts). The RE said the other 3 fertilized but not normally, so they were a no go. If he said, it had happened naturally, they would probably have been miscarried or blightened ovums. They also started me on lovenox which I will pick up tomorrow and begin for my Factor V Leiden. I’m glad they aren’t ignoring it and the lovenox should keep me pregnant.

In back terms, my life sucks. I ended up in the ER on Saturday morning after crying on the floor for 2 hours. I am now on oxycontin until the transfer and valium for sleep at night. My whole leg goes numb and sometimes I can’t feel my feet.  The pain sucks. I have about a 6 hour window in which I can get things done before hurting again. I’ve tried the chiropractor, ice, heat patches. I am praying it will resolve on its own and I won’t need surgery. I am also wearing a very sexy back support (under my clothes) and sneakers. I am terrified of more surgery, especially while pregnant.

We will know if we are doing the 5 day tomorrow. Please send positive thoughts and prayers our way.

My Aching Back!!


Ouch! I’ve done something to my back which puts my sciatica into new heights of misery!  Last Saturday, I’ve noticed increased leg pain. I had back surgery almost 2 years ago after falling out the back of a helicopter (don’t worry-it was on the ground) and had my two herniated disks almost completely removed. I have been doing well save for some morning stiffness until now (although my days of running and push ups are long over). The pain I’ve been having is worse than before I had my back surgery. I feels as though I’ve pinched a nerve although I am not sure how. Boy is it painful. It comes and goes from like a 6/10 to a 3/10 and then to a 9/10 pain level. I am too afraid of messing up my cycle to take any pain medication, so I’ve just been gutting through it and trying to stretch as much as possible. I hope, hope, hope it resolves on its own. If it continues and I do get pregnant, it will be a very long 9 months!

In other news, our donor has 32 follicles, measuring from 12-16mm and her estrogen is in the 1600s. It looks like she will have her retrieval on Sunday. I’m too scared to get excited but I will keep you posted. We’re leaving for vacation and a visit at home in PA (3 hours from the office in DC). Our scheduled ET is 8/12 but that is the 3 day transfer date. If our eggs fertilize and do well, then maybe we’ll get a 5 day transfer on 8/14. I’m praying for all of them to fertilize and grow.  I would LOVE to have a 5 day transfer. Please keep us in your prayers as we go through this process.