Surgery Update

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We met with the surgeon this morning. Apparently most people wait a year to see her. My surgery is scheduled for 8/26. I did not herniate L5, S1. I apparently herniated L4, L5 yet a new herniation for me. As the DR put it, I will never have a stable back. I will never ride a horse again, bounce, run or jump. But I can walk and swim.

The surgeon wants me to POAS as early as possible and my RE changed my beta to 3 days earlier so we’ll know if I am pregnant or not before hand. This will help determine what type of anesthesia to use. If I am, they will do an epidural and a local with mild sedation. If not, it is full versed press for me.

I am having trouble with optimism right now. I hope that you, the readers of this blog, can understand that, too. The pain is horrendous. I can’t walk more than a few steps. Last night MO2 and I cried for 2 hours and I yelled at God. Why now? Why not 6 months ago? Why at all? This is my second back surgery in 2.5 years. I was able to sleep through the night but never, do I have a pain free moment. My lovely, optimistic SIL thinks that God wanted me to get help early in the pregnancy. Maybe he wants me to get fixed so I can have a successful one in the future. I have to hold onto faith but it is slipping through my fingers like sand right now. I know I have 5 more shots but I’m tired and we aren’t even there yet. At least, I’ll get a good 6 weeks off from work. Not the bedrest SG ordered! I’m already planning my next cycle.

I don’t know if I will have any joyful pee stick photos on this blog. I just can’t see it right now. I feel as though that naivete has been ripped away from me. I still have some slight cramping and a bit of an elevated temp but nothing super exceptional. I am only 4dp5dt so we’ll see. I bought a First Response box today, maybe I will POAS early Sat am. 

If these embies survive, it will be an absolute miracle. Hang in there with me, I need someone smiling at me.

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