Not Sure What to Think

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Baby bean’s numbers are in the mid 200s. They are not high enough.  SG wants 66% doubling rate every 48 hours, we are at 61%. If they are not over 500 by Monday, we will consider this a non-viable pregnancy.

I am sad about this, naturally and the thing that makes me the most upset is now I will face my betas with hesitation and dread as I am sure many women who have early pregnancy loss. I’ve ALWAYS hated betas and I won’t share the date. I wouldn’t do it before, but did so reluctantly this time but I won’t do it again.

The flip side to this is that this bean has had a rougher road than most. Starting your pregnancy on narcotics is not optimal. I’m not mad mad at anyone, not even me. There was nothing I could do. MO2 said he felt he understands why I made the choice I did and he probably would have made the same one. It was just horrible timing and if you listen to me whine a bit, it took my London trip and my annual Celtic Classic trip because MO2 can’t take the time off after taking care of me. I do get a month off from work, but truth be told, I’d rather be there. It keeps me busy.

I’ve talked to my nurse about the next cycle. I asked my friends who have miscarried what to expect. It looks like I’ll just stop taking meds and it will happen on its own. I will probably have to wait until my u/s on the 8th to see if there is any tissue left. I guess than I’ll wait for AF and then start back on the BCPs.

MO2 is a bit upset with me for being pessimistic and starting to think about the next cycle. There is a slight chance our # will rise as they have been but I doubt they will get high enough. Stranger things have happened, but they don’t happen to me. Next cycle, I think I will let the RE choose two donors ad let us pick one. I wish MO2 would consider donor sperm for a half and half next cycle but he wants to try one more time with just his boys and who am I to deny him that.

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2 responses »

  1. Aw, so sorry that it is not looking good. You have been through such a lot. I hope you are able to find some forward momentum – sounds like that is what works for you. Hugs:)

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