Thinking of a A Catchy Title and At A Loss

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Well things aren’t looking especially good for the benchwarmer. I’m OK with that actually.

This week, the BW has doubled in size but we have no heart beat. According to my RE @ SG, we should have one. We have decided to go one more week. If we don’t see one, then they will give me meds to start a miscarriage. I’m hoping for this actually and sadly, I want it to happen while I’m still on convalescent leave and not when I go back to work on the 28th. (I mean, really, who wants to worry about bleeding through their uniform)? Plus, I have plenty of painkillers left over from the surgery that I’ve never used.

Both my RE and the RE at Ft. Living Room feel a D & C would not be in my best interest. There is the potential of causing scar tissue in a relatively healthy uterine cavity (given the only good thing I do is lining and so I would hate to mess that up)!

SG RE and I spoke about our next cycle. I have been wanting to use 1/2 donor sperm and 1/2 MO2 sperm. MO2 has a nephew who has an extremely rare autosomal condition that has left him with the functioning level of an 8 month old (he is 25 and has been on hospice for the last 4 years). We don’t know if the BW could possibly have the same condition. SG RE feels that DH’s sperm count is good and so is his fertilization rate and we should give it one more shot with MO2’s boys. If the same thing happens again, we will move to exclusive use of donor sperm. (Oddly, genetic testing in the past has not shown any abnormalities and my dear Stepson is as normal as you can expect for a 17-year-old). SG RE stated that miscarriage happens in 10% of donor egg cycles. We could have the BW’s remains tested but it probably won’t tell us anything (and frankly, I have no interest in collecting those at home).

I am moving on. We will have the RE and nurse help us choose between 3 proven donors as soon as my betas are back to 0. I have decided (for my own sanity) to focus on the things I can do in the coming months that I couldn’t do while pregnant.

I leave you with a song that I recently heard. It is a contemporary version of an old hymn but I think it accurately reflects our state of mind right now.

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6 responses »

  1. I’m sorry that the benchwarmer is not viable, but really glad that you have a plan and feel good about it. Plans are what keep us going, I find. That song is cool also.
    I did not know that ratio of miscarriages with donor eggs. There’s always something. Oh well at least it’s better than the rate of miscarriage or viable pregnancy with my own old eggs.
    Take care, and I hope this you are able to deal with this while still on leave:)

    • Thank you! I will, I love this song, it helped me get through some dark days. On a lighter note, we had twin boys in July so there is a lot to be said for faith. Thank you for posting!

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