And now today’s number….

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807.9.

Any guesses? It is (thankfully) below the range for a triplet pregnancy!

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Yet Another Beta-But First One This Time

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So today’s beta at 14dpo is….

256.8

A lot higher than we thought it would be. I went back and checked the boys’ beta and at 16dpo they were 338 which puts us slightly higher than our last DE cycle.

So the question is…is this another set of twins? I think it is too early to tell. I am interested to see what happens with the next one on Monday.

Where Have I Been?

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So I am embarrassed to admit that I had stopped blogging primarily because WP was blocked on government computers. If I can’t something done during the day when I am most alert, then it will NOT be getting done at night. The exception to this rule is housework (cleaning, cooking, etc…).My evening time is pretty limited and I can barely get the essentials knocked out. Such is the life of a Mom of twins.

So in the months since I left you a few things have remained the same and others have changed. Rock & Roll continue to be fabulous, handsome and intelligent boys and boy are they BUSY. Wow. They run.climb.fall.laugh talk.yell all at the same time. It is hard to believe they will be 2 next month. Wow 2, Where has the time gone?

I have a new job back in a military hospital that doesn’t ban WP, I got a spinal cord stimulator put in my back, MO2 is going to a military school in September for 2 months and I’m pregnant again.

You read that right. I am very early, tomorrow is my official beta but I’ve had 3 + HPTs (just because I’m obsessed with darkening lines). Last weds we transferred two expanded blasts (donor embryo) so hopefully we will  not be having twins again and will end up with a nice healthy little bean. If we do have twins, at least, we know what we are doing.

Donor embryos are not a simple post, so I can go into them in greater detail in later.

So fingers crossed for a nice beta tomorrow!

 

A Season of Sadness-hoping for some light

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Folks I apologize for my absence…we have been hit hard by some deaths of friends and family this Fall.

My dear friend, LTC Dave Cabrera was killed by a suicide bomber in Kabul, Afghanistan on October 24th. Dave and I have been friends for years. I was just at his promotion party in August (the weekend I got pregnant). He is the first Army Social Work officer killed in action (ever). Also killed was his mental health tech, SGT Christopher Newman and the therapy dog.

Here is Dave with his wife, August and his sons, Roanin and Max. I just can’t believe he’s gone. I had a really hard time with this and didn’t feel like talking or writing for a really long time. After the death in my depression, I actually heard Dave talk to me, obviously an admission to have me institutionalized. But he said he is doing  ok and that I can let go of my sadness. I hope it is true. I will never go to another conference without thinking of him. He would also write funny notes on my paper and I never knew what was going on because I was too busy “talking to Dave.”

Here is the retrospective I wrote for our annual newsletter:

For those who knew him, Dave Cabrera never did anything halfway. He embraced life with a zest of living, a sense of fun and reverence. He had a wicked sense of humor, a large smile and a huge heart. If you were his friend, he loved you unconditionally. He was blunt in his opinions and sincere in his expressions.  He was happiest when he was working with soldiers and died doing something that he volunteered for and for a cause he believed in. LTC Cabrera pushed boundaries every day with the hopes that it would help the people he had chosen to serve.

LTC Cabrera was born in Florida but grew up in Houston, where he graduated from Sam Houston High School. He earned a Bachelor of Science degree in Psychology from Texas A&M University, an MSW from University of Texas Arlington and joined the U.S. Army as a Medical Service Corps officer in Jan. 1996. He obtained his PhD from Catholic University.

LTC Cabrera was the Director of Social Work at the Uniformed Service University. As an assistant professor in the university’s Department of Family Medicine, he saw patients, taught military medical students, conducted research on post-traumatic stress disorder and post-traumatic growth.

He is survived by his wife, August and four children; Corbin, Gillian, Max and Roanin.

Godspeed, Dave. I will miss you.

 I also lost my cousin (cancer) , his wife (MS) in 3 weeks. They left an 19-year-old and a 16-year-old. So shocking but not unexpected. Just shocking and sad in the timing, so close together.

On happier news; Rock and Roll continue to amuse us with their walking and talking. Common words are “dog, cat, mama, daddy, light, car, go, camel (?), more, bye, please, thank you” and a bunch more. I have my consult on my embryo adoption today so I’ll let you know how it goes. There a times when the boys are running around that I think adding another child is insane and other times when it seems doable. We’ll see.

Oh and I pin on Lieutenant Colonel 1 Jan 2012

Thank you

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I wanted to send a quick note to thank you all for your words of comfort, they are much appreciated! I am doing ok. we decided to do the planned m/c route with the medication as it better for the uterus than a D & C (although the idea of sedation and good drugs had me with happy thoughts). It was not as bad as last time, probably because I took two percocet when I inserted the meds as a precaution.

We had a lot of discussion with the DR and all are in agreement that this was probably an egg quality issue. We plan to go ahead and use NMCRM for adopted embryos. Once I get back from vacation to MO2’s family next week, I’ll move ahead with that although I am thinking that I don’t want to have another baby until the boys are 2.

It gives me time to lose weight and get my back pain worked on. I had to cancel my last steroid injection because of the pregnancy (which I have to say was really uncomfortable because I couldn’t take meds) so I’m on board for my next back procedure on 2 November. I am hopefully moving toward the implanted pain pump which will hopefully get me retired as a lieutenant colonel from the military, one can hope. In the meantime, we’ll use the time to pay off bills.

Sad but Not Unexpected

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It seems baby bean has passed away. We went into our OB appointment today only to discover there was no heart beat, which of course is a repeat nightmare for me. It is very hard to explain but I have been kind of expecting this. All of the women I know over 40 who have been pregnant with their own eggs have had miscarriages. It should seem logical that we aren’t any different. I’m sad but mostly empty. I’m just glad I can hug Rock and Roll tight. Perhaps will continue with our embryo adoption plan. Thank you for all the love and support. 

New Baby

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Is measuring 7 weeks, 2 days and has a strong heart beat. We are much relieved. I was so anxious to see if there was a heart beat given our previous miscarriage. They were very kind and did an early u/s yesterday so ensure the baby was developing appropriately.. As we are doing CVS testing, we probably know the gender in about 6-8 weeks. please keep your fingers and toes crossed for baby bean!

Quick Update

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My first OB appointment is scheduled for 27 September because that is the earliest they could get me in. That was after I had a consult for a high risk pg, I will be almost 8 weeks. i don’t even think I rate an u/s that date, it is just a “fill out this intake paperwork” date. I may get desperate and beg the nurse for an u/s. I don’t think people get the idea about what infertility does to your frame of mind unless you hit them over the head with it.

My imaginary conversation would be like “42-year-old, pregnant with own eggs, infertility survivor. Pull out dildo cam with a quickness now!” But who knows how long I will have to wait…

My beta today was 3914 so I guess we are doing well, I need to calm down and breathe.

Back So Soon?

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Yes, I never thought be back, so soon. You see the plan was for us was to use donor embryos for our next pregnancy. We had picked out a site (New Mexico Center for Reproductive Medicine) to start with our donor embryos maybe next summer. That was the plan and then…

My period was five days late when I took this test. I’ve only been late twice in my life; once in college and once in grad school-during exams. I thought the lateness was early menopause? But my boobs hurt. I started screaming when the lines came up on the test and they did immediately. MO2 thought something was wrong and came flying up the stairs, and when I handed him the test, he just started laughing.

What a shock. My first beta was 434.5, the second one in exactly 48 hours was 710.5 (not exactly doubling but still within the 48-72 hour mark and went up 60%.

Now remember, these are my eggs, my 42-year-old eggs. This may mean that this is not a viable pregnancy and there is no way of knowing. We’ll just have to wait and see.

But folks, miracles do happen and if the only miracle I get is a natural BFP with my old unexplained infertility self, I’ll take just that moment. In it, I finally felt normal.

Time to Say Goodbye

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I hate it when blogs leave you hanging…

I always wonder what happens to the family. But life moves on and so do we. For a while, I’ve been considering how to say good-bye. We are all doing well. It is hard to believe but Rock and Roll are one now and thriving. We are talking (just a few words here and there) and cruising with a quickness (there is a big fondness for all things electronic, especially the television clicker). They are bright, funny, inquisitive, handsome. All I’ve ever dreamed of and more. Our life is full and rich with a sweetness I’ve never experienced before.

If you come upon this blog looking for experiences with donor eggs, I would say do it, you will be rewarded many times over. In fact, I’d do it again if I had a spare 30k and/or happen to win the lottery.

I am so happy with this decision and our wonderful boys. I am going to disappear into the blogosphere although you can always contact me through this blog if you have questions or comments. I’ll leave it up because it may help someone else.

For now, we say goodbye or in the military, further down the road.