Changing Body and Mind

We had our baseline u/s this weekend. No surprises there, everything looks good and I am on my old friend Delestrogen. This is not sarcastic. Of all the fertility meds, delestrogen is by far my favorite. I have my next ultrasound coming up soon in about 2 weeks and then it is transfer time! (That is, of course, if the donor eggs fertilize).

It was also a good visit with family. Brother and newly pregnant wife are expecting 1 bean but my brother is on the pessimistic side and is cautiously optimistic at this point. But they are starting to tell people…SIL is doing very well and is not sick or having any major symptoms.

Thanksgiving gave me some much needed time for reflection. For the last couple of weeks I’ve been nothing but bitter and frankly, as Dr. Phil would say, it is not working for me. One of the things I do when I am upset is that I don’t eat well and I don’t take care of myself.

I am too fat. MO2 is way too fat.

How can this be you ask? Aren’t you in the military? Don’t they make you work out?

Yes and yes but there are few buts in there. In the military in my branch of the service we have a weight scale. The weight scale is based on height and body build. I am at the very top end of my weight. If I go over that weight, I will have to be taped. (This does not mean you try to make yourself smoother with duck tape but rather they measure your waist, neck and wrist and then do an intricate set of calculations to determine your body fat percentage). I’ve only been taped 2x in my career although some people are taped every time. Being taped does not necessarily mean you are overweight but rather could point to someone with a non-conventional body type for military service.

As for the working out, all I can do is walk because of my surgery. MO2 is able to work out but hasn’t because he has been so bogged down in getting all of the medical providers on Ft. Livingroom their seasonal and H1N1 vaccines.

I am not feeling good about my body. My fat clothes are not starting to fit very well. I’d prefer not to buy new clothes unless they are maternity clothes, so I’d better work to get back into the clothes I have. I feel achy and sluggish all the time which I am sure is a result of not eating well, eating the wrong things and basically not giving a hoot about what goes into my mouth.

I’ve decided to clean up my eating, because I feel better when I eat well. I spent yesterday cooking all the things that I need for healthy meals this week…I made a pot of brown rice, steamed a bunch of vegetables, grilled up all the chicken MO2 and I will need for a week’s worth of lunches and shopped for all our healthy ingredients. All the cooking got done but the house did not get decorated…oh well, there is always next weekend.

I will be accountable to MO2 and here every week. I will have to get with one of our nutritionists here to see how I can eat healthy after ET. If you are heavy when pregnant, how much weight should you gain? Can you lose a bit of weight pregnant without harming the baby as long as you eat healthy foods and a fixed set of calories? MO2’s nursing text books claim that while pregnant , one should only eat an extra 300 calories a day. Does that seem reasonable?

I also had a perception shift over the holidays. I was out walking my brother’s dog when I ran into a classmate’s father/neighbor. This family has 4 sons  and a bunch of grandchildren that have arrived easily. However, the youngest son in this family had a myocardial infection which ended in a total heart transplant 9 years ago (he is still doing well) and his brother has a child who has Hodkins x 2. After this conversation, I realized that I don’t have it so bad…Then last night, a classmate’s brother was one of the police officers killed in Seattle. This same classmate left the local police department after an accidental discharge while he was cleaning his weapon struck and killed a fellow officer.  I’m feeling less singled out by fate now and my heart goes out to my friend and his family.